Sunday, 23 June 2019

Funny Inappropriate Jokes

Funny Inappropriate Jokes

  • A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day, the husband picks her up and asks "how did you do?". She says, "I did pretty well, I made $200.50". He asks, "What asshole gave you 50 cents?" and she replies "all of them"
  • I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking. When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!
  • Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
  • A guy and a girl get on an elevator in a hospital. The guy hits three, and asks the girl "which floor?" to which she replies "Four, please."
  • A vagina is like the weather. Once it's wet, it's time to go inside
  • Q: Why was two piece swimsuit invented?
    A: To separate the hairy from the dairy.
  • No Vagina Jokes. Those aren't funny. PERIOD. No Period Jokes either. Women might ovary act.
  • Q: What do you call the space between the twat and the shitter? A: Twitter
  • A couple had been married for 50 years.
    They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
    "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."
    "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."
    Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
    "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
    "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.
    "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

  • A guy and a girl get on an elevator in a hospital. The guy hits three, and asks the girl "which floor?" to which she replies "Four, please."
    Making conversation, the girl says "I'm here to give blood.  What are you here for?"  
    The guy says "I'm actually here to donate sperm.  They give me eighty dollars for it."  
    The girl goes, "Huh.  I only get ten dollars for giving plasma."  They get off the elevators on their respective floors.  
    The next week, the same guy gets on the elevator to go give sperm again. Lo and behold, the same girl gets on. "Nice to see you again. What floor, miss?"  
    "Mmmmph!", she says and holds up three fingers.

  • The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.
    The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"
    He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley but figured that was too unsafe.
    Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
    He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
    He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
    Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

  • Magic Penis - Most inappropriate jokes

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, ' Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... The Magic Penis!'

The husband said, 'The what'?

The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'

The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic Penis, door!'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.

After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my vagina.'

The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A Police Officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right... Magic Penis, my ass...!!!!!!!!!!'

Saturday, 19 January 2019

Economics Jokes

Funny Jokes On Economics

Here are ten ways to tell you might be sitting next to an economist:
1. He refuses to listen to the safety announcement because "in the long run, we're all dead."
2. He keeps telling you that "there is no such thing" as a "complimentary refreshment service."
3. He avoids prolonged conversation with you because he has a "rational expectation" that you're an idiot since you chose the middle seat
4. But he offers to trade his aisle seat for yours in a competitive auction with the woman sitting behind you
5. He plonks his elbow on the armrest because space has a "higher marginal utility" for him than for you
6. When he elbows you in the ribs, he says he is simply trying to "nudge" you into better behavior
7. When he opens the overhead locker, a copy of Thomas Piketty's "Capital in the 21st century" falls out and hits you on the head
8. But then he uses the book as a footrest
9. He only relaxes when the plane reaches 35,000 feet because then it's in "general equilibrium."
10. Spends all the flight scribbling Greek letters into a notebook. Turns out it's not a series of equations; he's part of the IMF negotiating team en route to Athens.
11. Adds an extra point to a "top 10 list" because he believes in "quantitative reasoning."
Einstein dies and goes to heaven.  His first day, he meets someone and asks, "What's your IQ?
"Wonderful, we can talk about physics."
The next day, Einstein meets someone else and asks their IQ.
"Wonderful, we can talk about music and the arts."
The next day, Einstein meets someone else and ask.
"What do you think interest rates are going to do?"

Tuesday, 18 December 2018

Funny Corny Jokes You'll Love Reading

Enjoy our funniest collection of corny jokes

Q-What do you call an elephant that is unimportant?
A-An Irrelephant.

What do you call an alligator detective?

An investi-gator.

A father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by Stating,

"God bless Mommy; God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

Several months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers that went like this,

"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy crap," thought the father," this child is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be fine.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day, he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home, his wife said,

"I've never seen you work so late. What is the matter?"

He said, "I do not want to discuss it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you will never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting.

Tuesday, 6 February 2018

100+ Funny Whatsapp Status - You Should Not Miss This Collection

Hey There, Here you will get best funny whatsapp status...So be prepared to troll your friends ;)

funny whatsapp status

  • I will marry the girl, who looks pretty in her Voter id.
  • God is indeed creative, I mean.. just look at me! :)
  • We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.
  • Single but not available ;)
  • Three mistakes of my life are WTF; WhatsApp, Twitter, and Facebook.
  • A jealous woman does better research than FBI.
  • Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one @ss h0le at a time
  • Whenever I think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think

  • Love is like a fart. If you force it, It’s probably shit
  • I told cashier- I want to open a joint account with anyone who has lots of money.
  • Changed my iPhone name to titanic it’s syncing now.
  • All girls are my sisters except you.
  •  I had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
  • The only thing I gained so far in 2018 is weight.

  • (-_-) x 1.3 Billion people = China
  • Dear Samsung, please also start selling jeans that can accommodate your smartphones.
  • My damn phone doesn’t allow me a text or call due to the low battery, but it has enough battery to keep screaming, “Low battery, Low battery…

  • A relationship is made for two, but some b!tches are bad in math.
  • People have become very naughty on whatsapp. Even married women have put their status as AVAILABLE.
  • You're not entirely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
  • My handwriting is not bad, it's just that I have my unique writing font.

  • “who said nothing is impossible… I have been doing nothing for years.”
  • “My friend had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from a local zoo.”
  • “I once had a dog that really believed he was man’s best friend. He kept on borrowing money from me.”
  • “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting tomato in a fruit salad.”
  • “Regular naps prevent aging, especially if you take them while driving.”

  • Scratch here ================ to reveal my status! Thank You.

  • Someone on his status "Sleeping" since 3 days. He's probably dead.
  • Someone is "Driving" since 5 days! I guess he hasn't reached Dubai!
  • Someone's status is "Happy" since 1 month. Living in Paradise I guess?
  • Someone is always "Available".How free are you?
  • From the first day their status is, "Hey there! I'm using WhatsApp" I Know, that's why you're on my list!
  • Someone writes "Urgent calls only". Don't get it... Are you in the police or ambulance service?
  • Someone says, "Can't talk, WhatsApp only".  dude then throw away your phone, you're not using the phone's primary function.
  • Someone is "At the movies" for the past 6 weeks. Either he owns the theater or sells popcorn there, just guessing
  • Someone's own "At school". What the f##k are we gonna do about your being in school, save us the story, it's all yours not for us.
  • Someone puts "Busy" for 2 months and a week. She must be very busy probably "picking beans" or breaking melons
  • This pisses off most, "Battery about to die" for 3 consecutive months. Should we contact PHCN concerning the power situation of your house or buy you new generator?
  • How can someone be "At the gym" for 4 months?Is he preparing himself for a race against Usain Bolt or he/she want a fight with JOHN CENA?
  • You're always "In a meeting" then focus on the meeting and quit WhatsApp, or Is WhatsApp the venue for the meeting?
Also, Read

Friday, 19 January 2018

Jokes On Padmavati+Witty Quotes,Tweets,Pictures,Trolls

Here are the funniest jokes, tweets, memes on Padmavati and Karni sena :)

jokes on padmavati

Deepika Padukone height is 1.74m, but Rani Padmavati height was 1.75 m. Bhansali is destroying history so

Deepika padukone coughs in padmavati movie

Rajputs: Bhansali destroyed history of rajputs.rani padmavati aise nahi muh par haath rakhke khaansti thi,  todo theatre bc.

Sanjay Leela Bhansali: I will mix shit in food in my restaurant.

People: We boycott it.

Smart People : At least taste it before boycotting

Karni Sena basically just wants to watch Padmavati for free. #PadmavatiControversy

Who are we?
Rajput Karni Sena

What do we want?
To protect a woman's honour

How do we do it?
By threatening to behead another woman#Padmavati 

Deepika " come over, I am alone "

Ranveer " will be there in 5 mins"

Karni Sena " Rani saa ke aas paas bhi mat dikhiyo khilji "

Karni Sena: "Hum Deepika ka naak kaat denge"
Bharni Sena: "Hum bhi"

Karni Sena: "Hum theatre jala denge"
Bharni Sena: "Hum bhi"

Karni Sena: "Hum Bhansali aur Deepika ka sar kaat denge"
Bharni Sena: "Hum bhi"

[Moral of the story]
Jaisi Karni, waisi Bharni.

Where was the Karni Sena when Premiere Padmini was distorting history? We all know that Rani Padmini wasn't allowed to drive.

*Bhansali directing a movie*

Bhansali: lights camera ACTION

Karni sena: Maarooo

Bhansali: Cut Cut

Karni Sena: saale hamara dialogue churata hai....aur maaro

Dear SL Bhansali,

Please don't distort historical facts which we know nothing about.

Yours truly,
Karni Sena