Tuesday, 6 February 2018

100+ Funny Whatsapp Status - You Should Not Miss This Collection

Hey There, Here you will get best funny whatsapp status...So be prepared to troll your friends ;)

funny whatsapp status

  • I will marry the girl, who looks pretty in her Voter id.
  • God is indeed creative, I mean.. just look at me! :)
  • We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.
  • Single but not available ;)
  • Three mistakes of my life are WTF; WhatsApp, Twitter, and Facebook.
  • A jealous woman does better research than FBI.
  • Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one @ss h0le at a time
  • Whenever I think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think

  • Love is like a fart. If you force it, It’s probably shit
  • I told cashier- I want to open a joint account with anyone who has lots of money.
  • Changed my iPhone name to titanic it’s syncing now.
  • All girls are my sisters except you.
  •  I had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
  • The only thing I gained so far in 2018 is weight.

  • (-_-) x 1.3 Billion people = China
  • Dear Samsung, please also start selling jeans that can accommodate your smartphones.
  • My damn phone doesn’t allow me a text or call due to the low battery, but it has enough battery to keep screaming, “Low battery, Low battery…

  • A relationship is made for two, but some b!tches are bad in math.
  • People have become very naughty on whatsapp. Even married women have put their status as AVAILABLE.
  • You're not entirely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
  • My handwriting is not bad, it's just that I have my unique writing font.

  • “who said nothing is impossible… I have been doing nothing for years.”
  • “My friend had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from a local zoo.”
  • “I once had a dog that really believed he was man’s best friend. He kept on borrowing money from me.”
  • “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting tomato in a fruit salad.”
  • “Regular naps prevent aging, especially if you take them while driving.”

  • Scratch here ================ to reveal my status! Thank You.

  • Someone on his status "Sleeping" since 3 days. He's probably dead.
  • Someone is "Driving" since 5 days! I guess he hasn't reached Dubai!
  • Someone's status is "Happy" since 1 month. Living in Paradise I guess?
  • Someone is always "Available".How free are you?
  • From the first day their status is, "Hey there! I'm using WhatsApp" I Know, that's why you're on my list!
  • Someone writes "Urgent calls only". Don't get it... Are you in the police or ambulance service?
  • Someone says, "Can't talk, WhatsApp only".  dude then throw away your phone, you're not using the phone's primary function.
  • Someone is "At the movies" for the past 6 weeks. Either he owns the theater or sells popcorn there, just guessing
  • Someone's own "At school". What the f##k are we gonna do about your being in school, save us the story, it's all yours not for us.
  • Someone puts "Busy" for 2 months and a week. She must be very busy probably "picking beans" or breaking melons
  • This pisses off most, "Battery about to die" for 3 consecutive months. Should we contact PHCN concerning the power situation of your house or buy you new generator?
  • How can someone be "At the gym" for 4 months?Is he preparing himself for a race against Usain Bolt or he/she want a fight with JOHN CENA?
  • You're always "In a meeting" then focus on the meeting and quit WhatsApp, or Is WhatsApp the venue for the meeting?
Also, Read

Friday, 19 January 2018

Jokes On Padmavati+Witty Quotes,Tweets,Pictures,Trolls

Here are the funniest jokes, tweets, memes on Padmavati and Karni sena :)

jokes on padmavati

Deepika Padukone height is 1.74m, but Rani Padmavati height was 1.75 m. Bhansali is destroying history so

Deepika padukone coughs in padmavati movie

Rajputs: Bhansali destroyed history of rajputs.rani padmavati aise nahi muh par haath rakhke khaansti thi,  todo theatre bc.

Sanjay Leela Bhansali: I will mix shit in food in my restaurant.

People: We boycott it.

Smart People : At least taste it before boycotting

Karni Sena basically just wants to watch Padmavati for free. #PadmavatiControversy

Who are we?
Rajput Karni Sena

What do we want?
To protect a woman's honour

How do we do it?
By threatening to behead another woman#Padmavati 

Deepika " come over, I am alone "

Ranveer " will be there in 5 mins"

Karni Sena " Rani saa ke aas paas bhi mat dikhiyo khilji "

Karni Sena: "Hum Deepika ka naak kaat denge"
Bharni Sena: "Hum bhi"

Karni Sena: "Hum theatre jala denge"
Bharni Sena: "Hum bhi"

Karni Sena: "Hum Bhansali aur Deepika ka sar kaat denge"
Bharni Sena: "Hum bhi"

[Moral of the story]
Jaisi Karni, waisi Bharni.

Where was the Karni Sena when Premiere Padmini was distorting history? We all know that Rani Padmini wasn't allowed to drive.

*Bhansali directing a movie*

Bhansali: lights camera ACTION

Karni sena: Maarooo

Bhansali: Cut Cut

Karni Sena: saale hamara dialogue churata hai....aur maaro

Dear SL Bhansali,

Please don't distort historical facts which we know nothing about.

Yours truly,
Karni Sena

Sunday, 24 December 2017

Here Are Witty Bitcoin Jokes To Tease Your Bitcoin Investor Friends

Here are some of the most refreshing bitcoin jokes, bitcoin humor & memes

bitcoin jokes

Colleague: "Had you spent $5000 back when Bitcoin's worth was $100, you'd have 50 Bitcoins. Put all of your money in Bitcoin guy, it is the future"

Cigarette tapri man: "Maalik pichle hafte ka 72 rupaye udhaar bacha hai"

Colleague: "Kal doonga pakka god guarantee"

Want to Learn about


A businessman came to a village to buy monkeys.

He announced he'll purchase the monkeys @ $100 each.

The villagers believed that this guy is mad.

They believed how someone can buy stray monkeys at $100 each?

This information spread like wildfire and people caught monkeys and marketed it to the retailer.

After a couple of days, the retailer announced he'll purchase monkeys @ 200 each.

The idle villagers also conducted around to catch the rest of the monkeys!

Then the retailer announced he'll purchase monkeys @ 500 each!

The villagers begin to shed sleep!

The villagers were waiting patiently for another announcement.

Then the retailer announced that he's going home for a week. When he returns, he'll buy reptiles @ 1000 each!

He asked his worker to look after the monkeys he purchased.

Then the worker told them that he'll sell some monkeys @ 700 each covertly.

Since the retailer purchases fighter @ 1000 each, there's a 300 gain for each plane.

The following day, villagers made a queue close to the monkey cage.

The worker sold all of the monkeys at 700 each. The wealthy bought reptiles in large lots. The bad borrowed money from money lenders and also purchased monkeys!

The villagers took good care of the monkeys & waited for the retailer to return.

... Then they ran to the worker...

But he's already left too!

The villagers then realized they've purchased the unworthy stray monkeys @ 700 each and not able to sell them!
The Bitcoin is another monkey business

That' how it'll work

Friday, 1 December 2017

Funniest Humor About Stock Market & Stockbrokers + Witty Quotes,Stories

Seeking stock market jokes? Here you will get the funniest humor about share market & stockbroker with stories, quotes

stock market stockbroker funny jokes

Stockbroker: What are a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.

Stockbroker: What are a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.

Stockbroker: Could I have a penny?
God: Just a second

A brand new investor came to observe a stockbroker.

"Can you inform me just how much you charge?" said the investor.

"Of course," the stockbroker replied, "I usually charge 1000 mBTC per question."

"Well that is a bit steep, isn't it?" Requested that the investor "Yes it is," said the stockbroker, "And what is your 3rd question?

The very first rule of investing is not to eliminate money. The principle is not to overlook the first law!

The current market is weird. Every time one man sells, yet another one purchases and they think they are smart.

Sometimes your best investments would be the ones which you do not make.

Profit merely is made after all of your positions are closed.

Money is apparently there, but the pockets change.

Bear Market is a six to eighteen month period once the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband has no sex.

The most effective way to double your money is to fold it and place it in your pocket.
Consistently play with other people's money!

BROKER: The person that you trust to assist you to make critical financial decisions. Please note that the first five letters of this word spell "Broke."

BULL: What your stockbroker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the previous quarter.

MARGIN: It is Where you scribble the latest quotes when you are supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: a kind of trade where, in theory, an individual sells stocks he does not possess. Since this also only ever works in a trick, a short position is what an individual usually ends being in (i.e., "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

COMMISSION: The only safest way to generate money on the stock exchange, which is why your broker charges you one.

Once upon a time in a village that a man appeared who declared to the villagers that he'd purchase monkeys to get Rs. 10. 

The villagers seeing that there were monkeys went outside in the woods and began catching them. Tens of thousands were bought by the guy at 10 and as distribution began to diminish, and villagers began to stop their attempt he declared that he'd purchase at 20 rupees. 

The distribution diminished even farther, and people began going back to their farms. The offer speed increased to 25 and also the source of monkeys became that it was an attempt to even find a fighter let alone grab it. 

The man declared that he'd purchase monkeys! But since he needed to go to the city on a small business his assistant would buy on behalf of this guy. 

I will sell them to you at thirty-five, and if the guy comes back, it's possible to sell it to him for 50." 

The villagers squeezed up with each of their savings and bought the monkeys. 

They never watched the man nor his assistant, just monkeys everywhere!

I didn't know about the stock exchange until becoming a senior in school. Here is what happened. There was this guy in my dormitory that the entire four decades of college. 

He had been the genius kind with less than perfect eyesight. He had these thick coke-bottle eyeglasses and never went to class, but he always got A. 

Instead of going to class, he sat in his room and studied the stock exchange. He'd stock charts all and even had a computer before you could buy them in a shop! 

Upon reaching my next year, I realized it was time to get serious about making a living, that I would have to head out and earn some money. So I went down to Speak to Ed. "I'll work as hard as I need to. Inform me how I could wind up with one million bucks in the stock exchange."

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Funny Knock Knock Jokes ;) Tell Me A Knock Knock Joke

 In this article we collected a lot of Knock-knock jokes.You will die laughing on this knock knock humor😁

knock knock jokes

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Opportunity! That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!


Knock knock. Who’s there? An extraterrestrial. Extraterrestrial who? What – how many extra-terrestrials do you know?


 Knock knock. Who's there? Beats. Beats who? Beats me.


Knock knock. Who’s there? The interrupting cow. Interrupting cow whMoooooo!


Knock knock.
Who’s there? The door .


Knock knock. Who’s there? Double. Double who? W!


Knock knock. Who’s there? Iva. Iva who? Iva craving for cookie. Get baking!


Knock knock. Who’s there? Yoda lady. Yoda lady who? Good job yodeling!


Why did the chicken cross the road? To hunt somebody down. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

 Knock, knock! Who’s there? Yah! Yah who? Well, no thanks, I’m more of a Google person.


Knock knock. Who's there? Hatch. Hatch who? Bless you.


Knock knock. Who’s there? The interrupting doctor. The interr… You've got cancer.


Knock knock. Who’s there? Mark. Mark who? Oh come on, I'm Mark, your… (Mark breaks up crying over the extent of his dad’s Alzheimer .)

Knock knock. Who’s there? Urine. Urine who? Urine trouble if you don’t open the door.


Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? No you idiot, cows go mooo!

Knock knock. Who’s there?
Grandpa. Oh my gosh! Somebody open the coffin quick!!!


Knock knock. Who’s there? Smell mop. Smell mop who? Um, no thanks.


Knock Knock! Who's there? Interrupting raven. Interrupt...


Knock knock. Who’s there? Not Pavlov. He’d have rung the bell.

Knock, knock Who's there? Kanga Kanga who? Actually, it’s kangaroo!


Knock Knock. Who’s there? Knock. Knock who? Knock Knock.


Knock, knock! Who’s there? Spell. Spell who? W-H-O


Knock knock. Who’s there?
Aaahh. Aaahh who? A big bad wolf, apparently.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me comin’, dey runnin’.


Knock knock! Who's there? Hawaii. Hawaii who?
I'm very well, thank you so much, and Hawaii you?

Knock knock. Who’s there? Winnie the Pooh. Winnie the Pooh who? No seriously, Winnie the Pooh right now, let us in or it lands on your doormat!


Knock, knock. Who’s there? Somebody who thinks you should fix your darn doorbell!


Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who? No, it should always be “to whom”.

Knock knock. Who's there? Doris. Doris who? The Doris locked, why do you think I'm knocking?


Knock knock. Who's there? Cash. Cash who? Yes! I've always known you were a bit nutty!

Knock knock. Who’s there? Major. Major who? Major day with this joke, haven’t I?


 Knock knock. Who’s there? Mavis. Mavis who? Mavis be a warning to you, watch out of silly jokes!

Knock knock. Who’s there? Freeze. Freeze who? Freeze a jolly good fellow, freeze a jolly good fellow…


 Knock knock! Who's there? I got up. I got up who? Best go to the toilet then.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Icy. Icy who? You see me, do you need glasses or something?


Knock knock. Who’s there? Armageddon. Armageddon who? Armageddon a little bored. Let’s go out.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Accordion. Accordion who? Accordion to the scientists, it is healthy to offer your friends money.


Knock knock. Who’s there? Ira. Ira who? Ira gret I don’t know better jokes.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Ira. Ira who? Ira gret I don’t know better jokes.


Knock knock. Who’s there?
Surgeon. Surgeon who? Surgeon thou shalt find.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Barbie. Barbie who? Let’s Barbie Q!


Knock, knock! Who’s there? Moustache! Moustache who?
I thought I moustache you a question, but I can shave it for tomorrow.

Pistachio. Pistachio who? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pistachio. Pistachio who? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? AND ORANGE YOU HAPPY I DIDN’T SAY PISTACHIO!


Knock, knock. Who's there? The judge's hammer . You are hereby sentenced to five years of forced labour .

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin the neighbourhood, mind if I come in for a chat?


 Knock knock. Who’s there? Control freak. Co… You should say “Control freak who” now.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Value. Value who? Value be mine to cherish and to hold?


Knock knock. Who’s there? Lena. Lena who? Lena bit closer and I will show you.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita little love and understanding.


Knock knock. Who’s there?
Maia. Maia who? Maiabilities are too great for such stupid jokes.

Knock knock. Who's there? Any. Any who? Anybody there?


Knock knock. Who’s there? Irish.
Irish who? Irish you a nice day.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Ho-ho. Ho-ho who? Um, no, you still need to practice a bit more if you want to be Santa at the mall this year.


Knock knock. Who’s there? Snow.
Snow who? Snow point pretending you don’t know me.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good place to eat tonight? My treat!


Knock knock. Who’s there? Dozen.
Dozen who? Dozen all this knocking bother you already?


Knock knock. Who’s there? 9/11. 9/11 who? OMG. You said you will never forget.


Knock knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who?
Ben hoping I can come in.

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