50+ Funny Chuck Norris Jokes,One Liners,Quotes,Pictures

  • When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
very funny chuck norris jokes

  • Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
  • Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
chuck norris one liners

  • Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
  • There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
  • Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
  • Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
  • Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
  • If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
  • Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
  • Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
  • Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
  • Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
  • Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
  • Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
  • Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
  • Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
  • Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
  • Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
  • Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
  • The AC/DC song "Highway to Hell" is about Chuck Norris' driveway.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
  • Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
  • When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
  • The original title for Alien Vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
  • The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  • Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • If at first you don't succeed, you are not Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
  • Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • They were going to put Chuck Norris' face on Mount Rushmore but the rock wasn't hard enough.
  • Violence isn't the answer, Chuck Norris is...
  • Chuck Norris doesn't mow the lawn. He goes outside and dares the grass to grow.
  • Chuck Norris can whistle in five different languages, including sign language
  • Chuck Norris can't lose at dodge ball because the ball is nowhere stupid enough to hit Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ghosts, but you can bet that ghosts believe in Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris CAN talk about Fight Club.
  • Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies............... As The Force.
  • Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
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