Latest Funny Jokes On Doctors

Funny Doctor Patient Joke

Patient : "Would I be able to read after this eye surgery ?"
Doctor : "Yes why not?"
Patient : "But I'm an illiterate person"

Remember when you are wishing your friend good health you are wishing unemployement for doctors.
After hearing that one of the patients in mathare mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Omondi, you records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home." he said. "I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Omondi replied. "I hung him up to dry.
Side effects of alcohol.... and remedies!!!
1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause- Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You
are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Adjust glass until open end is facing upward.

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to
the floor.

3. Symptom- The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill your glass!

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!

5. Symptom-You hear echoes every time
someone speaks.
Cause : You have your empty glass on your ear
and trying to drink from it.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself, refill your
glass and place it on your mouth.

6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are
looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure -Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone
is dressed in white and the music is very loud and
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure- Don't move. Let the professionals do their job :D
A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical check up.

A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on
his arm.

At his follow up visit the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

The man replied, "Just doing what you said
Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'."
The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up ?"
God said, "No, you have another 34 years 2 days live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided 2 stay in the hospital & have a face-lift, liposuction, & tummy

She even changed her hair color!
Finally she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she asked,
"You said I had another 34 years 2 live. Why didn't you save me from the truck?"
God replied:
"I couldn't recognize you!

Funny quotes on doctor's life

cow was kept for viva-
Pre BDS - it's a cow!!
Fourth year BDS - perhaps this is a cow!!!
MDS - this may be a cow or a hypopigmented buffalo!!
PHD - this may be a hypertrophied goat or an
atrophied elecphant with congenital anomalies.

Latest Jokes On Doctors

Lady to Doctor: My husband has the habit of talking in sleep! What should i give him to cure?
Doctor: Give him an Opportunity to speak when he is awake :D
Nurse:- Apke Judwa Bacche Hue Hai

Santa:- Ye toh hona hi tha, program hi aise dekhti thi.
Nurse:- Aacha hua delhi 6 nahi dekhi :P
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.

A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right." "She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me.

She was talking to the doctor!"