Funniest Humor About Stock Market & Stockbrokers + Witty Quotes,Stories

Seeking stock market jokes? Here you will get the funniest humor about share market & stockbroker with stories, quotes

stock market stockbroker funny jokes

Stockbroker: What are a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.

Stockbroker: What are a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.

Stockbroker: Could I have a penny?
God: Just a second

A brand new investor came to observe a stockbroker.

"Can you inform me just how much you charge?" said the investor.

"Of course," the stockbroker replied, "I usually charge 1000 mBTC per question."

"Well that is a bit steep, isn't it?" Requested that the investor "Yes it is," said the stockbroker, "And what is your 3rd question?

The very first rule of investing is not to eliminate money. The principle is not to overlook the first law!

The current market is weird. Every time one man sells, yet another one purchases and they think they are smart.

Sometimes your best investments would be the ones which you do not make.

Profit merely is made after all of your positions are closed.

Money is apparently there, but the pockets change.

Bear Market is a six to eighteen month period once the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband has no sex.

The most effective way to double your money is to fold it and place it in your pocket.
Consistently play with other people's money!

BROKER: The person that you trust to assist you to make critical financial decisions. Please note that the first five letters of this word spell "Broke."

BULL: What your stockbroker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the previous quarter.

MARGIN: It is Where you scribble the latest quotes when you are supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: a kind of trade where, in theory, an individual sells stocks he does not possess. Since this also only ever works in a trick, a short position is what an individual usually ends being in (i.e., "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

COMMISSION: The only safest way to generate money on the stock exchange, which is why your broker charges you one.

Once upon a time in a village that a man appeared who declared to the villagers that he'd purchase monkeys to get Rs. 10. 

The villagers seeing that there were monkeys went outside in the woods and began catching them. Tens of thousands were bought by the guy at 10 and as distribution began to diminish, and villagers began to stop their attempt he declared that he'd purchase at 20 rupees. 

The distribution diminished even farther, and people began going back to their farms. The offer speed increased to 25 and also the source of monkeys became that it was an attempt to even find a fighter let alone grab it. 

The man declared that he'd purchase monkeys! But since he needed to go to the city on a small business his assistant would buy on behalf of this guy. 

I will sell them to you at thirty-five, and if the guy comes back, it's possible to sell it to him for 50." 

The villagers squeezed up with each of their savings and bought the monkeys. 

They never watched the man nor his assistant, just monkeys everywhere!

I didn't know about the stock exchange until becoming a senior in school. Here is what happened. There was this guy in my dormitory that the entire four decades of college. 

He had been the genius kind with less than perfect eyesight. He had these thick coke-bottle eyeglasses and never went to class, but he always got A. 

Instead of going to class, he sat in his room and studied the stock exchange. He'd stock charts all and even had a computer before you could buy them in a shop! 

Upon reaching my next year, I realized it was time to get serious about making a living, that I would have to head out and earn some money. So I went down to Speak to Ed. "I'll work as hard as I need to. Inform me how I could wind up with one million bucks in the stock exchange."