Funny Washing Machine Jokes,One Liners,Hilarious Quotes On Washing Machine

funny washing machine jokes

Bunch Of Hilarious Washing Machine Jokes,One Liners,Funny Quotes On Washing Machine

Q: What is the difference between and Virgin and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it!

A Jamaican man was walking with his wife through halfway tree market.
She stopped off to buy some mangos and the man waited behind her. When she came back to him he said

"Bwoy hattie me never know say your batty a get so big and hefty like a washing machine"

Later that night when they were in bed the husband decided that he would roll over to her for some loving

But hattie pushed him away and said

"Sarry darlin but dis big ole washing machine kyant tek such a small load, de cycle is too short, Yuh better give dat deh one a handrinse"

One Day There Was A Husband And Wife And They Had Little Kids And They Decided To Disguise The Word Sexual Intercourse As Washing Machine.

One Night The Husband Rolls Over And Says Washing Machine, Washing Machine, But The Wife Says "no Not Tonight Dear" Again 10 Minutes Later The Husband Rolls Over Again And Says Washing Machine, Washing Machine, But The Wife Says "no Not Tonight!". 

10 Minutes Later The Wife Rolls Over And Goes Okay Washing Machine, But The Husband Says "nah Its Ok, It Was A Small Load So I Did It By Hand"

Q- why was the washing machine laughing?

A- because it was taking the piss out of your undies!

The Funniest Warning Labels

11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

12. On peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta)

14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)

15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?... Good grief)

16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food."
("Hey Mom we're out of syrup! " - " It's OK, honey! Just grab the Washing liquid!")

17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control."
(Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)

18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
("Hey, no more swimming in the washing machine, kids!" - "Aww, you mean we have to use the swimming pool?")

A man is walking behind his wife and says, "Baby you are so fat now your bum looks like a washing machine."

The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking. Bed time, the man is asking for sex. The woman says, "I can't start the washing machine for such a small load. You'll have to hand wash!"

Suppandi’s master was a small time business man. He had told Suppandi to always try to earn a profit.

Master: Suppandi, I am expecting a washing machine from London Stores. Go and give this Rs.50 note to the shopkeeper and get the machine.

On the way back from the store, a man met Suppandi.

Man: How much did you buy that machine for?

Suppandi: Rs.50

Man: I will give you Rs.90 for it.

Suppandi thought that he was making a profit and sold it and reached home.

Master: Where is the machine?

Suppandi: I sold it off on the way for Rs.90, a clear profit of Rs.40.

Master: You fool, that machine was worth Rs.9000. I was paying for it in installments.

Master: Your Fired!!!:(

The washing machine repair man was arrived at Mrs Smith's house to be greeted by a huge black dog.

"Don't worry about Killer, " said Mrs Smith, "he is an ex army attack dog but he's so well trained he won't hurt a fly unless someone gave him the word of commanded"

Washing machine man was uneasy but, sure enough, the dog ignore him and wandered around placidly enough.

After fifteen minutes Mr's Smith was called away. She left the repair man on his honour to finish the job and leave the house secure.

As she was leaving she told him very firmly to stay out of the living room.

The repair man soon finished the job and made himself a coffee. There were no comfortable chairs in the kitchen so he decided to just look into the dining room.

He peered around the door and saw nothing unusual. He decided Mrs Smith just wanted to keep the room clean but there was no way she would know he'd been in there.

So he wandered in and turned the television on to the racing channel. Then he settled into an arm chair and sipped his coffee.

He wasn't at all concerned when Killer the dog loped in and sat a few feet from him.

In a break between races he noticed a box on the sideboard covered in a black cloth. His curiosity the better of him and he wandered over and lifted the cloth.

His eyes met the eyes of a large grey parrot.

The high pitched squawk "Killer, seize him" were the last words he ever heard.

Babe I'm coming with my 2friends. Please buy 48 Hunters- Dry, Hennessy, triple deck Pizza with cheese and mushroom.

Oh Babe my other friend doesn't drink Hunters-dry, She wants 24 Vawter.
48 Hunters-Dry = R480
24 Vawter = R280

Tripple deck Pizza with cheese and mushroom = R135
Hennessy VS = R400
Lovie I'm coming home, please take out meat in the fridge, I'll cook when I get there & please put your dirty clothes in the washing machine I'll do laundry while busy cooking.
I love you honey.