Monday, 28 March 2016

Funny Shopping Jokes,One Liners,Stories With Pictures

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........


After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to K -Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local K -Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on lay -by.

September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.

December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a foetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" And last, but not least ..

December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
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A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked "Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?" She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today.. .............. Moral : Accompany ur wife....

The story continues....
The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased.
Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing. He said your husband has blocked your credit card..........
MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband.

Story continues....
Wife took out his husbands credit card from purse and swiped. Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
Moral: Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE.


Still continues...
After swiping, the machine indicated 'ENTER OTP SENT TO YOUR MOBILE'.
Moral: When Man tends to lose, machine is smart enough to save him!


Still continues....
When she turned back with depression, her mobile ringed showing forwarded SMS "your OTP is......" Finally she bought her items & returned back happily
Moral: what are you thinking about Men! He always sacrifices himself for his wife.
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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart's and the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and put it in their shopping cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife. So he does and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and put it in the shopping cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price."
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A Holiday Shopping Joke
This older fellow was at Home Depot the other pushing his cart around, when he collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

He said to the young guy" Sorry about that, I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's ok, It's a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife too. I cant find her and I'm getting desperate. 

The older fellow said "Well, maybe we can help each other...What does your wife look like?" 

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big bo0bs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no [email protected] What does your wife look like?" 

The older fellow said, :Doesn't matter....lets look for yours."
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funny shopping stories

A woman in a Jewellery store, Farts while bending over to look at a Beautiful Diamond ring. .
She looks around, embarrassed, & sees the salesman standing behind her.Totally professional, he says,

"Good day Madam, How may I help U?"
Hoping that maybe he hadn't heard her 'accident', she asks "Sir, whats the Price of this lovely Ring?"

He answers,
"Madam, if U Farted just Looking at it, U're going to Shit when I'll tell U the Price.
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funny shopping jokes

If Sex without wife's consent is termed as Rape...

Than shopping without husband's consent should be called as Robbery
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