Funny Inappropriate Jokes

Funny Inappropriate Jokes

  • A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day, the husband picks her up and asks "how did you do?". She says, "I did pretty well, I made $200.50". He asks, "What asshole gave you 50 cents?" and she replies "all of them"
  • I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking. When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!
  • Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
  • A guy and a girl get on an elevator in a hospital. The guy hits three, and asks the girl "which floor?" to which she replies "Four, please."
  • A vagina is like the weather. Once it's wet, it's time to go inside
  • Q: Why was two piece swimsuit invented?
    A: To separate the hairy from the dairy.
  • No Vagina Jokes. Those aren't funny. PERIOD. No Period Jokes either. Women might ovary act.
  • Q: What do you call the space between the twat and the shitter? A: Twitter
  • A couple had been married for 50 years.
    They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
    "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."
    "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."
    Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
    "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
    "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.
    "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

  • A guy and a girl get on an elevator in a hospital. The guy hits three, and asks the girl "which floor?" to which she replies "Four, please."
    Making conversation, the girl says "I'm here to give blood.  What are you here for?"  
    The guy says "I'm actually here to donate sperm.  They give me eighty dollars for it."  
    The girl goes, "Huh.  I only get ten dollars for giving plasma."  They get off the elevators on their respective floors.  
    The next week, the same guy gets on the elevator to go give sperm again. Lo and behold, the same girl gets on. "Nice to see you again. What floor, miss?"  
    "Mmmmph!", she says and holds up three fingers.

  • The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.
    The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"
    He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley but figured that was too unsafe.
    Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
    He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
    He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
    Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

  • Magic Penis - Most inappropriate jokes

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, ' Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... The Magic Penis!'

The husband said, 'The what'?

The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'

The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic Penis, door!'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.

After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my vagina.'

The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A Police Officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right... Magic Penis, my ass...!!!!!!!!!!'