Funny Jokes On Condom + One Liners,Sayings,Quotes ;)

funny jokes on condom

Enjoy funny condom jokes,quotes,one liners,sayings and much more

My ex and I recently broke up. 

She's a cashier at a local mini mart, so from time to time when I want to stress her out, I just go there and buy a packet of condoms for no reason. 

She will never find inner peace as long I live in this city.....!!!

On a condom dispensing machine in London it was written:
"Very Safe ! Strictly made as per High British standards".

Someone added below- 
"So was the Titanic, but it leaked."

A start up in Gurgaon has come up with a unique venture......Home Delivery of Condoms.

I kid you not, if you are in Gurgaon and need condoms all you have to do is give them a call and they will deliver them right at your doorstep.

To top that, they will do this in "30 Minutes"

Yup, tough competition Domino's!!

Now, one will have two options, either have a pizza or have sex

I wonder though what happens if they don't deliver the condoms in 30 minutes. Will they have a policy of "30 minutes nahi to free"??

Maybe they can come up with some innovative offers like "30 minutes nahi to iPill free".... Just in case you come before they come. Just Sayin.

In any case, this is going to be so much fun. Now you can start with the foreplay and give a call to the Condomwala and he will be knocking on your door by the time you are ready to do some knocking of your own

Ofcourse you need to make sure you wrap something around you when you go and collect the delivery.

Disclaimer: Please order the condoms well in advance considering the time required for pre-sex hanky panky, erections do not always last till the bell rings.
In 1872 the welsh invented the condom using a length of sheep's intestine. However in 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep first.

Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk & asks for a condom. They ask "Shall we put it on your bill" he says "are u thucking thupid I'll thuffocate!"

The largest condom factory in the States burned down. President Obama was awakened at 4 am by the telephone. 

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of the week."

Obama: "Oh damn! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. We'll be ruined. We'll have to ship some in from Mexico .."
Telephone voice says, "Bad idea... The Mexicans will have a field day with this one. We'll be a laughing stock. What about the UK ?" 

Obama: "Okay, I'll call Cameron and tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick. That way, they'll continue to respect us as Americans."

Three days later, a delighted President Obama ran out to open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches thick, exactly as requested..
All coloured with Union Jacks with small writing on each one:


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