Friday, 1 July 2016

Hilarious Farewell Jokes,Farewell Party Puns,Speech,Funny Farewell Emails To Colleagues

Farewell Jokes With Funny Farewell Speech 

3 stages of Engineering: 1) Freshers Party 2) Yeh kya chutiyapa chal raha hai BC 3) Farewell Party


farewell jokes

Funny Farewell Party Jokes

____________________________________________________

People- "Leaving facebook, deactivating it..miss you guys "
.
Okay to hume kyu bta rha hai????
Hum farewell party de kya ab tumhe
____________________________________________________

To my friends. If i come to Know that I would DIE soon, I'll HIDE it from U till I DIE........Because U IDIOTS will ASK FAREWELL PARTY 4 that ALSO.
____________________________________________________

funny farewell speeches

This parish priest was given a transfer and the village organised a farewell party 4 him be4 he could leave.
As everyone enjoyed the party, he sumorned them to assemble so he could give his speech, he started:

My dear brethren, its been a pleasure to work with u this long, when I first came here, the first person to confess gave me an impression that I had encountered a land of sinners,

he told me he had been a thief, rapist of both women and children, cows, goats and pigs inclussive, bt am glad that all of u have changed and th number of followers has increased. May God bless u abandantly!

Meanwhile this MP who arrived late walked in and was late 4 his speech...

Clearing his throat, he started:
ladies and gentlemen, thank u, thank u 4 coming, when father had just arrived here, he really changed my life, I was the first person 2 confesss.
____________________________________________________

funny questions asked at farewell party

  • Who was that chic who used to visit your office every week and left with a smudged lipstick?
  • Was it you who used to eat out the sandwiches out of my lunchbox?
  • How many times did you lie to the boss about being late to work due to traffic or went on a holiday citing "medical issues"?
  • Who was that girl who dumped you because she thought your boss was grumpy?
  • Do you even deserve the pension they'll give you?
  • Was your batch the one which decided to urinate outside the Principal's office?
  • Was your batch the one who was made to strip during their ragging?
____________________________________________________

I believe this is the most intelligent farewell email I have ever seen

After ___[1]___, I have decided to leave XXXX in order to ___[2]___. While this was not an easy decision for me, ___[3]___. I have ___[4]___ my time here and will___[5]___. XXXX has been ___[6]___ and I will always ___[7]___. I look forward to___[8]___ and wish you all ___[9]___. Until ___[10]___, I bid you all adieu.


[1]
a. thoughtful consideration
b. the flip of an “Arkansas – Jewel of the Ozarks” commemorative quarter
c. years of searching for a way out
d. a couple shots of Wild Turkey
e. recovering from my bout of amnesia and remembering I never went to law school

[2]
a. accept an in-house position
b. pursue an acting career – look for me next season on “Saved by the Bell-the Prison Years” as Zach, the all-American boy next door turned crack dealer turned prison ho
c. abandon my alter-ego and devote all my time to my super hero duties
d. live off the generosity of others (i.e. Tina)
e. be able to sleep at night

[3]
a. I feel it is the right one
b. the Magic Eight Ball is never wrong
c. it wasn’t exactly rocket science either
d. it was easier than hanging around until somebody realized I wasn’t doing anything
e. stock options are hard to resist


[4]
a. thoroughly enjoyed
b. cautiously endured
c. already forgotten most of
d. surfed the internet a lot during
e. miraculously survived

[5]
a. miss all of you I have come to know
b. never look back
c. remember the little people I crawled over on my way to the top
d. miss the free booze
e. eagerly await the tears of sorrow when you hear I am leaving


[6]
a. a great place to learn the practice of law from some of the best
b. very punctual with my pay checks
c. a benevolent master to this flying monkey
d. by far the best law firm I’ve ever worked for
e. the source of my indigestion

[7]
a. value my experience here
b. be thankful I wasn’t sued for malpractice
c. keep garlic and a crucifix nearby
d. think back fondly when using my frequent flyer miles
e. believe the children are our future


[8]
a. working with many of you in the future
b. getting out of here alive
c. retirement
d. the next episode of The Apprentice
e. being the client (wa-ha-ha-ha)
[9]
a. the best of luck in your future endeavors
b. had gotten me a going away gift
c. would kiss my a**
d. were coming with me
e. could appreciate how funny this memo is

[10]
a. our paths cross again
b. I get fired and come begging for my job back
c. hell freezes over
d. the next firm-sponsored event with an open bar
e. I need a competent lawyer to fix something I’ve screwed up
____________________________________________________

This is a funny JP Morgan employee's farewell letter...

Dear Co-Workers and Managers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type "Today is my last day."

For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present but with the exception of the wonderful Saroj Har******ad: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude ofyour misinformation, ignorance and intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the pas tseven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was,as stated on my annual review, "meets expectation." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets expectation scotch with a meets expectation cigar. Thanks Trish!

And to most of mypeers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls,I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me thesame way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those fewsouls with whom I've actually interacted, here are my personalized notes offarewell:

To Philip C***s, Iwill not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing while laying blame on meand my coworkers. Your racial comments about Joe Co****ah were truly offensiveand I hope that one day you might gain the strength to apologize to him.

To Brenda A***ywhom is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats you as poorly as youhave treated us. I worked harder for you then any manager in my career and Iregret every ounce of it. Watching you take credit for my work was trulydemoralizing.

To Sylvia K***an,you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart. Bad mouthing theinnocent is a negative thing, especially when your talking about someone whoknows your disgusting secrets. ; )

To Bob M****n (Mr.Cronyism Jr), well, I wish you had more of a back bone. You threw me to thewolves with that witch Brenda and I learned all too much from it. I still can'tbelieve that after following your instructions, I ended up getting written up,wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson learned.

Don Me****t (Mr.Cronyism Sr), I'm happy that you were let go in the same manner that you havehanded down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on the phone last year bragabout how great bonuses were going to be for you fellas in upper management becauseall of the lay offs made me nearly vomit. I never expected to see managementbenefit financially from the suffering of scores of people but then again, withthis company's rooted history in the slave trade it only makes sense.

To all of theexecutives of this company, Jamie D***n and such. Despite working throughcountless managers that practiced unethical behavior, racism, sexism, jealousyand cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by working here and I truly thankyou for that. There was once a time where hard work was rewarded andacknowledged, it's a pity that all of our positive output now falls on deafears and passes blind eyes.

My advice for you is to place yourself closer tothe pulse of this company and enjoy the effort and dedication of us"faceless little people" more. There are many great people that arebeing over worked and mistreated but yet are still loyal not to those who abusethem but to the greater mission of providing excellent customer support. Findthem and embrace them as they will help battle the cancerous plague that isravishing the moral of this company.

So, in parting, ifI could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary recipient ("becauseit's good for the company") in India or Tampa who will soon be filling myposition, it would be to cherish this experience because a job opportunity likethis comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I hadto work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

To those who Ihave held a great relationship with, I will miss being your co-worker and willcherish our history together. Please don't bother responding as at this verymoment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down listening toBiggie.

One!
____________________________________________________


funny farewell email for coworkers/funny farewell message to colleagues

  1. Start working at work in your new company.
  2. I hope that both sides of your pillow are cold.
  3. I hope your biscuit drowns in your tea and the second biscuit on the rescue mission also drowns.
  4. Get a girl/guy.
  5. I am glad you're leaving.
  6. Bitch, better have my money.
  7. See you around at some island, probably in a two piece.
  8. Finally, I am rid of your farts.
____________________________________________________

SOP(Product implemtation date): date

VIN(Its unique number given to Vehicle): your Employee no

Reason for dispatch: Your reason to leave

A piece of metal entering a factory does not know what its fate will be. Will it be part of an aircraft or rust away & become unusable. I joined XXXX. As the days passed by I have been polished & shaped by my HOD & mentors.

All of you have supported me throughout this transformation. Thank you all for not letting me rust away in a corner.

Wish you all the luck for your future endeavors.

Hope our paths cross & we meet again in future. And if you don’t believe in the concept of “Hope” I am available a mail or phone call away.
____________________________________________________

Disclaimer:The content of the mail represent emotion towards a few people and not the whole organization.

I cannot express how totally elated,ecstatic,euphoric( add a few more synonyms from the GRE word list, use barron’s :P) I feel while writing this mail! After a futile google search on “How to write a diplomatic farewell mail” and still failing to do that mundane task, I finally have the opportunity to write the TRUE EXACT feelings of how my tenure at (Org Name) was!

It has been a bittersweet journey but as the human brain handles negative and positive input differently, psychologists say, which is why memories of unpleasant experiences seem indelible…..

As like almost all of you , I joined (Org Name) as a fresher and I must say I have evolved so much professionally! Thanks to the following people:

1. Who thought it’s a great idea not to share their knowledge and let the other person struggle! - (The Team Players)

2. Who know how to delegate their work just to test Myntra, Jabong etc etc! (The Leaders)

3. Who know how to push tasks to other’s basket, ‘smartly’ (The WorkHorse)

4. Who know how to dominate others and influence them just by what they say.(Mr/Ms Right)

5. The credit thieves!!!(The Achievers)

It’s because of them that I see a dramatic change in myself. I feel grateful to have worked with the above species early in my career. As it is said..the sooner the better ;)

Sweet memories have always been mostly during the following phases, and you are a part of the mail because I have had atleast one of the below memories with you guys :) :)

1. Lunch time and laughter sessions!

2. Counseling sessions by a few genuine seniors

3. Testing Townhall preparations

4. Interacting with freshers of following years

5. Rolls king, pizza hut, ancient barbeque, barbeque nation

6. Choreographing and dancing in flashmobs, moments(annual day of sorts), mother’s day and where not!

7. Photo sessions and Video sessions

Do you realize how totally professional I have become! An informal mail is also well organized and structured :P. Thanks to one of my “Goals” in my 1st Performance Review (Trust me this was my only goal)

But (Cliched alert)there comes a time when one has to realign priorities and move ahead. It has been a tough deal, but a conscious one... I am quite excited to step in a challenging phase in my career, however need not to say, what I am leaving behind is also precious.

You all would be missed thoroughly! Thanks for everything and all the best!!!
____________________________________________________

It's so funny when people use the "I'm unfollowing" speech. Bitch what you want? A farewell party? Just leave quietly like your edges did. BYE!
____________________________________________________

Enter Your Email And Get Jokes In Your Inbox