Funny Eye Jokes,Eye Doctor Jokes + One Liners,Quotes

Funny Eye Jokes

There is a man with a wooden eye in the club but no one wants to dance with him cause of his eye. He saw a women come in and her lips went up and down instead of across her mouth.

He though I've got a chance with this one and went up to her asking if she would like to dance.
She replied "would I!"

He said "don't call me wood eye cunt face!"
eye jokes one liners

What did one eye say to the other eye?

Between you and me, something smells.


Fake hips
Fake hair
Fake nails
Fake eye lashes
Fake eye brows
Fake accent
Fake china phone

Fake everything & you still want a REAL man ?

Q. Why is an eye doctor like a teacher?
A. They both test the pupils!

Q. Why is a horse with a sore throat twice as sick as any other animal?
A. Because he is then a hoarse horse!

Q. What happened when the icicle landed on the man’s head?
A. It knocked him cold!

Q. What do you get if you put your hand in a pot?
A. A potted palm!

A woman, looking very worried and all strung out, rushes to see her doctor.

"Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you one thing... there isn't anything wrong with your eyesight."
funny eye doctor jokes

A Russian visiting India went for an eye check up.

The Dr. shows the letters on the


Doctor - Can you read this ?

Russian - Read ?? I even know the guy.. He's my cousin.
You are the…
Apple of my eye, Mango of
my Pie, Palaman of my
tinapay, Niyog on my

You are the… Ipin of my suklay, Ring on my
kamay, Blood of my atay,
Bubbles of my laway.
You are the …
Roof of my bahay, Strength of
my tulay, Joy of my tagumpay, Dream of my

You are the…
Ube in my monay, Patis in my
gulay, Toyo in my siomai,
Calcium in my kalansay You are the…
Buhol of my tie, Bituin of my
sky, Beauty of my Tagaytay,
Ketchup on my french fries.
You are the…
Wings when I fly, Wind when I paypay, Sipit for my
sampay, Tungkod when I am

You are the…
Shoulder when I cry, Cure to
my “aray”, Answer as to “why” I am nangi-ngisay.
You are the…

Love until I die, In short, you
are, The Center Of My Buhay .

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