Funny Queen Elizabeth Jokes,Quotes,Pictures,Memes

Funny Queen Elizabeth Jokes

President Obama to the Queen:

"Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," said the Queen,
"The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowned, and then asked,
"But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of champagne.

"Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch"
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom.
"Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please Tony. Your mother and father have a child.
It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good." said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question. "Joe, answer this for me."
"Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister.
Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Biden.

"Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone,
but none could give him an answer. Frustrated, Biden went to work out in congressional gym and saw Paul Ryan there.

Biden went up to him and asked, "Hey Paul, see if you can answer this question."
“Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"

Paul Ryan answered, "That's easy, it's me!"

Biden smiled, and said, "Good answer Paul!" Biden then, went back to speak with President Obama.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle."

"It's Paul Ryan!"

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,

"NO, You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

Mahathir, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally Mahathir gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Mahathir got to call the Malaya so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: "Since Najib took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

Heh he... sarcastically sinical

The Queen and Princess Anne are out for a drive in one of the Queen’s Range Rovers. Suddenly
some armed robbers leap out of the bushes and stop the car.
“Give us the money”, they shout at the Queen.
“But I’m the Queen of England, I have no need for money.”
“Oh, shit”, says the leader of the armed band, and turns to Anne. “Give us yer jewels.”
“But I don’t wear my jewels all the time, only on state occasions.”

The armed robbers look fed up, when suddenly they hear the sound of wailing sirens approaching. “Quick, out of the car! We’ll have the Range Rover at least,” and with that the robbers drive off. As the Queen and Anne are waiting for the Police to get there, 

Anne turns to the Queen, “What did you do with all the cash you had? You’re always loaded.”
“Ah,” says the Queen, “I saw the robbers and in the few seconds before they got to the car I
rolled up my notes and tucked them into that little place that only women have.”

Reaching under her skirt, she produces several thousand pounds in notes. “And what did you do
with your jewels? You always wear lots of jewellery, my dear.” The Queen says to Anne.
“Well, like you, in those few seconds before the robbers got to the car, I slipped off my rings,
necklaces and tiara, and like you, slipped them into that little place that only women have.”

Reaching down she plucks out her jewellery. They both sit quietly for a few minutes, before the
Queen turns to Anne “You know, if Fergie had been with us, we could still have the Range Rover.”