Friday, 14 April 2017

China Jokes,One Liners,Made In China Puns,India Vs China Humor & Much More ;)

chinese jokes

In this post, I'm going to share some funny jokes on china,chinese one liners,India China Jokes,Made in china puns and much more 😀

Santa: Tum Chinese jaisi kyu dikhti ho!
Girl: Mere dad Chinese the.
Santa: Wo kaha hai!
Girl: Mar gaye.
Santa: Oh! Aakhir China ka maal tha, chalta bhi kitna!
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TIPS TO KNOW IF YOUR PHONE IS A CHINA PHONE 
1. It gets full after 3 minutes of charging

2. The phone has TV, Torch, Nail cutter,fireligh tr etc.

3. Text message can be written with a toothpick.

4. There are some spelling mistakes e.g NokLa,blackderr y, i-porn, samswag etc. 

5. When an aeroplane passes; it records one missed call.

6. When big truck hoots; it records charger connected.

7. Wen a china man passes u it says one bluetooth device found
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Ek Baar america, china or India ki Police me baat hui ke dekhte hai teeno me sabse Tez kaun hai...???
Uske Baad Ek Khargosh jungle me chora gaya..

America police ne Khargosh ko 2 din me Dhund liya.. Fir China ki Police ne khargosh kodhundne me 1 hafta Laga diya..

Ab India ki Police ki baari aayi Khargosh jungle me chora gaya or Indian Police 2 Mahine tak wapis nai aayi.
Log unko dhundne pahuche to dekha Indian Police bandar ko ulta latka kar buri tarah Peet rahi thi or Bol rai thi Kabool kar saale tu hi khargosh hai.
kabool kar.😀
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Man hires a Chinese Private Investigator, Chen Lee, to watch his wife.
A few days later he gets this report : Sir.
I watch house.
You leave house.
He came to house.

He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she go hotel.

I climb tree and look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip.
She strip.

He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
I fall out tree.
I not see.
No fee.

Chen Lee.
Very Sollee
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You're so fake, even China denied that they made you.
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A Chinese and Steven Spielberg were drunk at a bar. Spielberg suddenly slapped the Chinese..
Chinese: why?

Spielberg: Because you bombed Pearl Habour! My father died there! 
Chinese: But I'm Chinese, not Japanese.

Spielberg: You fool, Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Tiwanese, you are all the same.
Chinese punched Spielberg.
Chinese: That's for sinking Titanic.

Spielberg: But Titanic was sunk by an iceberg, stupid!
Chinese: Iceberg, carlsberg, spielberg, you are all the same!
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5 Chinese Chu, Bu, Hu, Fu and Su decided to immigrate to the US .
In order to get a visathey had to adapt their names to American standards.
Chu became Chuck
Bu became Buck
Hu became Huck

Fu and Su decided to stay in China
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A Ugandan teacher was sent to China to teach. The first day he entered class, he began by roll-
calling. He said "Sheng."A student said, "Present."

He called the second name, "ChuMuon."Another student said, "Present."
Suddenly, he sneezed,"Hatchia!"One student seated at the corner stood up and said,"Present.
"
He then exclaimed and said,
"hmmmm..."
All the student shouted, "Absent."
He got confused and said, "Shaa..."
Three students stood up and said,
"Which of us?"

The teacher became more confused and he asked, "What is wrong?"
A student stood up and he said,"Sir, I'm not Wrong, I'm called Wong."

The teacher now laughed, "Hahaha!"
A girl said, "Present sir."The teacher came closer to find out what was going on, as he moved
his pen fell on the table and made the sound,
"Ping chung chong!"

A certain boy said, "Present sir."

The teacher now more confused and annoyed, decided to move out.As he was moving out, a group of
around 15 students stood up and shouted, "Teacher, what about us?
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Pastor to Chinese man - Do You Know Jesus?
China-man: Bring Sample I make for you quick quick.


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2 chinese men break into a distillery, one turns to the other and says, is this whisky, the other replies, yes, but not as whisky as wobbing a bank.
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Cjec, Tito and John decided to go to China for vacation. Since they were new to the place they had to stay in a hotel. And their room was on the 60th floor. The policy of the hotel was that at midnight
the elevators were shut down. The next day, the guys rented a car and explored the city. 

They enjoyed themselves and arrived at the hotel after midnight. The elevators were shut down. There was no other way to get to their room but to climb the stairs all the way to the 60th floor. John said,

 ”’for the first 20 floors, I will tell jokes to keep us going. Then Tito can say wise stories for the next 20 floors and lastly, we will cover the final 20 floors with sad stories from Cjec.” So,John started with jokes.

With laughs and joy, they soon reached the 20th floor. Tito started saying stories full of wisdom. They
learned a lot before they reached the 40th floor. Now it was time for sad stories. 

So,
Cjec started: ‘My first sad story is that I left our room key in the car’.’😆
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During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you."

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!" 

This is called "Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do! 

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got." 

The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!" 

This is called "Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications! 

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

This is called "Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!

The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month." 

This is called "Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job.

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: "We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!" 

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!" 

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery. 

This is called "Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks! 

So who are the real robbers here? 
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A Chinese man married an African woman and they had a baby, After two months the child passed away, at the funeral, the African woman kept sobbing and crying saying:

 I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!! So a family member pulled her aside and ask her, what did you know? She replied; Chinese products don't last long.
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