Thursday, 23 June 2016

Top 7 Jokes On Lecturers & Lectures Including Funny Quotes & One Liners

lecturer jokes

Enjoy loads of hilarious jokes on lecturers,jokes on lecture along with funny quotes and one liners ;)

A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classoom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."
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Lecturer: Which comes first, Sun or Moon?

Student: Obviously, Moon first.

Lecturer: Why ?????

Student- Only after Honey-MOON,

SON will come
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A lecturer walked into the lecture room and announced that there will be an emergency test, and he went straight to the board to write the instructions as:

1. Time is 15 minutes

2. No copying

3. No cancellation of answer

4. You can open your text book or notebook.

5. Once its 15 minutes raise your pen and walk out of your desk.

He then told the students to get set and he began to dictate the questions one after the other.

Question Number one:
List your favourite foods Immediately, students began to list. Guys were writing: Pounded yam, Rice, Fufu, Amala and Eba, while the girls went ahead to list: Hot dog, Shawarma, Pizza, etc,

The lecturer then announced the number two question:
Explain how to prepare/cook your favorite foods that you listed above? OMG! You need to see how the girls started cancelling their previous answers and changing it to: Dodo, Ewa, Moimoi, Garri, Puff Puff, Amala, Ewedu
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One morning, a lecturer entered the class and was so disappointed
to meet not even a single student.

After 30 min, the students started arriving one by one.
The angry lecturer was observing them as they enter.

After the arrival of the last student, the lecturer said
"If you know you came late and you greeted me as you pass the door, fall to the right, 10 strokes of cane for you"

"If you know you came late and you did not greet me as you pass the door, fall to the left, 2 weeks suspension."

"And don't attempt to lie because i was taking record." he added.

After the statement, a class of 20 students, 10 moved to the right while 9 moved to the left remaining only Akpos standing alone.

"Young man! are you claiming you where here before me?" asked the angry lecturer.
Akpos replied "No sir!"

"And am sure you didn't greet me"
"Yes sir! I didn't"

"Then why are you still there?" asked the lecturer.
"because i didn't fall into any category" replied Akpos "Meaning"

Akpos said "I entered through the window."
IF you are the lecturer what punishment will you give Akpos
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A lecturer in a University in Nigeria decided to give his students a test. He asked them to write the answers as he reads out the questions.
Instructions: Cancelling answers not allowed.

Lecturer: Question1. What is your favourite food? [10 mrks]

Female students were writing, Pizza, fried rice, Hamburger, ice cream, sharwama and all sorts of chinese cuisine.....

Lecturer: Question 2. How do you prepare the favourite food u av chosen? [50 marks]

Immediately, the female students started cancelling and changing the foods to, beans, cocoyam & red oil, rice concoction, yam porridge, Garri, white rice, agidi, tuwo zinkafha, eba, fufu, pounded yam etc.
They all got zero!

Naija girls hmmm
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FOREIGN LECTURER's PRIDE: 80% of my
students made A's.

9JA LECTURER's PRIDE: I gave 90% of my
students F, Idiots.
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One day a Lecturer was talking about marriage in class…
Lecturer : What kind of wife would you like, Akpos?

Akpos: I would want a wife like the moon…
Lecturer : Wow !! what a choice… do you want her to be cool & calm like the moon?
Akpos: No, no…

Lecturer: oh so you want her to be round and white? ??
Akpos: No, no…
Lecturer: Oh, so you want her to be fair and beautiful like the moon? ??
.
Akpos: No, no…I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning!

For the 1st time, I painfully agree with Akpos!
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