Thursday, 4 February 2016

Funny Jokes Related To English Language And Grammer

Funny Grammer Question In English

Especially for English Language Lovers.
Can any one tell the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

Some say there is no difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished.'
Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.
Like...
"When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete.'

If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finished.'
And ,

when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman,

You are
'Completely Finished'

Is it right ?
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funny english mistakes jokes
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English Language Funny Joke

"Husband texts to wife on cell....
Hi, what r u doing darling?" 
Wife; I'm dying....!
 Husband jumps with joy but types 
"Sweet Heart, how can i live without u? 
Wife: "U idiot i'm dying my hair..."
Husband: "bloody english language...
hahaha  wife dont want to die...but what do you think about the husband ?
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Dhoni is a very intelligent captain!!

Whenever playing against other Countries, he use Hindi language for on field communications so that batsmen don't get it!!!

Whenever playing against Pakistan, he switches it to English for the same reason.
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People forgot English is a language not a criteria to judge intelligence.
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In a WAEC English Language examination, one of the questions asked was: "Write a letter to your uncle telling him about your new school.''
After writing for about twenty minutes, Akpos stood up and was about leaving the exam hall when the invigilator accosted him, ''Where on earth are you going?"
"To the post office sir." said Akpos, "We were asked to write a letter to our uncle. I have written mine, I want to post it."
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I Wanted to buy some books in a bookshop, then I saw some books with these
following Titles:...
1.How to look Beautiful Handsome by: Obasanjo....I was confused!

2. Food that will make you grow tall by: Osita Iheme (pawpaw) I was so confused!!
3. My Love for Nigeria by: Abubakar Shekau.... I was quite surprised!
4. Tips on how to get Married. by: Genevieve Nnaji.j... I was shocked!
5.The Joy of Poverty by: Aliko Dangote....I over shocked!!
6.How to fight coruption by John Mahama I cried!!!!!
7. Guide lines on how to pass your English Language by: Patience Jonathan....I just fainted!!!!
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letter is for the teachers that taught me during my High School days...

To my MATHEMATICS TEACHER, you did well, but the formulas and quadratic equations you taught in class, have not been of any use in my place of work.

To my ENGLISH LANGUAGE TEACHER, you were superb, but I now live in SouthAfrica okugcwele abo Oga. So all the English grammar and idiomatic expressions are completely useless now.

To my CHEMISTRY TEACHER, you tried so hard, but I couldn't understand your subject. Anyway, all the chemical compounds and Sodium Nitrogen you mentioned, I haven't come across any of them in life yet.

To my BIOLOGY TEACHER, your class was the most interesting, especially the topic 'REPRODUCTION' but now I am shocked to see 'same-sex marriage'. You didn't make mention of it at all.

To my RE TEACHER, at least I remember you telling us how God created Heaven and this planet Earth, But what you forgot to tell us is who created Mars, Pluto and other planets.

To my ECONOMICS TEACHER, inflation, production, distribution, consumption. Well... My economisation hasn't been poor because I paid so much attention.

To my GEOGRAPHY TEACHER, you were sometimes funny, I still can't understand how the Earth Rotates around the Sun (yet my house is not moving). The Raining and Dry season you talked about, I don't seem to understand the season anymore.

To my HISTORY TEACHER, thanks for keeping records of the past, the future really matters now.
I am still wondering why I spent so much time at school.
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Funny english grammar jokes

Oxymoron
English is a funny Language. One fascinating word of English Languageis Oxymoron: An Oxymoron is defined as a phrase in which two words of opposite meanings are brought together.
Here are some area scatter oxymorons...
1) Independently dependent.
2) Clearly Misunderstood.
3) Exact Estimate.
4) Small Crowd.
5) Act Naturally.
6) Found Missing.
7) Fully Empty.
8) Pretty Ugly.
9) Seriously Funny.
10) Only Choice.
11) Original Copies.
12) Open Secret.
13) Tragic Comedy.
14) Foolish Wisdom.
15) Liquid Gas.
16) Stupidly Intelligent.
17) Richly Poor.
18) Naturally Homemade.
19) Impatiently Waiting.
20) Living Dead.
21) Beautifully Ugly.
22) Educated Illiterate.
And The Mother of all...
HAPPILY MARRIED
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