Friday, 10 June 2016

Funny Sardar Jokes,Witty Quotes,Hilarious One Liners And Lot More To Enjoy

funny sardar jokes

So here is the big collection of funny sardar jokes,funny quotes on sardar,hilarious one liners and much more to enjoy :)

Dr.:- Aapke 3 daant kaise tut gaye..?
Sardar:- Ji wo wife ne kadak roti banai thi.

Dr.:- To khane se mana kar dete.
Sardar:- Ji wo hi to kiya tha.
sardar jokes one liners
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Sardar got an sms from his Girlfriend written as "I Miss You".
Sardar ne apna dimag laga ke 2 ghante baad reply bheja "I Mr.You".
funny sardarji quotes
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Sardar ne 1 raah chalti ajnabi ladki se kaha:- Aapne pehchana mujhe ko.
Ladki:- Nahi aap koun ho..?
Sardar:- Main wahi hu jisko aapne parso bhi nahi pehchana tha.
funny sardar and pathan jokes
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Sardar math ke paper me dance kar raha tha.
Kisi ne pocha ye kya kar rahe ho..?
Sardar:- Yaar mere sir ne kaha tha ke her step ke no. hote h.
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Sardar Bill gates se:- Tum pagal ho.
Bill:- Why?
Sardar:- Tumhara surname Gates h aur business tum Windows ka karte ho.
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Sardarni wrote a msg. to sardar:-
Ghar kab aa rahe ho. msg. karke batao.
Sardar sent msg. to her:- Nahi bata sakta msg. free nahi h.
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1 Sardar ne apni car ke niche kutte ko leta hua dekha to kutte ko 1 dum se kheecha aur kha:- Bhar nikal bada aaya mechanical engineer banne.
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1 Sardar ke ghar chor aa gya.
Sardar ne dekha to chor bhaga sardar uske piche bhaga aur bhagte-2 chor se bhi aage nikal gya or bola:- 1 to chori uper se humse race.
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Sardar ki G.F. romantic mood me:-Aaj mere ghar koi nahi h, aa jao.
Sardar:- Pagal tu mere ghar aaja,yahan hum saare h, tera dil lag jayga.
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Sardar office ja raha tha, Patni pyaar se boli:- See u in the evening.
Sardar gusse se:- Dhamki kise de rahi h, main bhi tujhe dekh loonga.
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Sardar kisi ladki ke ghar rista le kar gaya ladki ke maa baap bole humari beti abhi padh rahi h.
Sardar:- Koi baat nahi hum 1
ghante baad aa jayenge.
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Sardar ne 1 number dial kiya 1 ladki ne received.
Sardar:- Hello kaun.
Girl:- Main Seeta.
Sardar:- O yaar ye to ayodhya lag gaya. Sorry Maate.
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Jatt:- No if no but sirf jatt.
Khatri:- No topi no chatri sirf
khatri.
Mulla:- No gas no chulla sirf mulla.
Sardar:- No dalda no gheo punjabi sharea da peo.
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Public toilet me likha tha "Duniya chand pe pahuch gayi aur tu yahi baitha hai" Sardar niche likh ke aaya "Bas dho ke jaa raha hu".
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Sardar ki beti:- Papa kal aapke ghar se 1 member kam ho jaega.
Next day sardar ki beti bhag jati h.
Sardar:- Ladki ne kaam to galat kiya per thi wo jyotish.
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Sardar:- Express kitne baje h.
T.T:- 1 baje.
Sardar:- Local.
T.T:- 9 bje.
Sardar:- Aur maal gadi.
T.T:- 12 baje, Abe tuze jana kaha h.
Sardar:- Patri pe potty karne.
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Sardar ke truck pe likha tha
"Chhotta Parivar, Sukhi Parivar"
msg. from "Rinku, Golu, Monu,
Ramu, Shamu, Sohan, Mohan, Tilu, Pinky de papa di gaddi".
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Teacher:- Batao sacha desh bhagt kaun hota h.
Sardar:- Jo enlish toilet seat par bhi Indian style me baithta ho.
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1 Bar sardar Rs. jama karne gya.
Officer:- Ye note fata hua h, dusra do.
Sardar:- Main apne A/c me jama kar rha hu, fata karu ya naya, Tujhe kya matlab h be.
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Sardar air hostess se:- Aapki shakal meri biwi se bahut milti h. Air hostess ne zordar thappad santa ke muh pe mara.
Sardar:- Kamal h. Aadat bhi wahi h.
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Sardar ne evrest pe dekha waha pe 1 baba gutka ragad raha tha.
Sardar:- Baba ye kya h.
Baba:- Masala.
Sardar:- Oh to Evrest masala aap hi banate ho.
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Pagal:- Tum muslim ho.
Sardar:- Nahi, main sardar hu.
Pagal:- Nahi, tum muslim ho.
Sardar (gusse me):- Haan, main muslim hu.
Pagal:- Lagte ho sardar ho.
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Sardar (Police station ja kar kahta h):- Mujhe phone par jaan se marne ki dhamki m il rhi h.
Inspector:- Koun de rha h.
Sardar:- BSNL wale, kehte h bill nahi bhara to kaat denge.
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1 Accident hua, bhut bheed ho gyi, sardar ko aage jane ka moka nahi mil rha tha. Clever sardar:- Hi. mera Bapu. Bheed ne raah di to kutta marra mila...
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Sardar ka sir phat gya.
Dr.:- Ye kaise hua.?
Sardar:- Main chappal se pathar tod raha tha. Mujhe 1 aadmi ne bola "Kabhi khopdi" ka istemal bhi kar liya kar.
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Sardar ko ek party ka invitation mila jisme likha tha only pink tie.
Sardar wahan gaya to usne dekha ke logo ne pant shirt bhi pehni thi...
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Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "walk", it walks.

He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "walk" , it walks.

He cuts all the legs and said, "walk...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
...... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
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A negro boarded a bus wth hiz son, conductr said-
.
.
itni gandi shakal ka baccha maine aaj tak nahi dekha !

Negro gets angry bt sayz nothing n takes a seat near sardar.
.
.
Sardar- u look angry wat happened ?
Negro- d conductor insulted me !
.
.
.
Santa- to maar saale ko, la apna bandar mujhe pakda de tab tak
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Santa Gave A Secret Password For E-Banking "Ram-sita-laxman hanuman-jamwant-sughriv-bali
vibhishan-delhi-spiderman"

Banta- Yaar! Itna Lamba Password??
Santa- Kya Karoon?Bank Wale Kehte Hai Ki Password Me Minimum 8 Characters,
1 Capital Aur Ek Special Character Zaroori Hai.
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4 sardaro ne mil ke petrol pump khola..

1 bhi customer nahi aaya.. Kyun..??

Bcoz petrol pump 1st floor pe tha..

Chalo ek aur..

Fir 4 ne ussi floor pe restaurant khola, 1 b customer nahi aaya.. Kyu..?? .
BCoz petrol pump ka board nahi hataya..

Chalo ek aur..

Fir 4 ne 1 taxi li. 1 b sawaari nahi mili.,.
Kyu..??

Bcoz 2 sardar aage aur 2 piche baith k sawaari dhund rahe the..

Chalo ek aur

Taxi kharab ho gayi.. 4 ne khub dhakkalagaya.. But taxi wahi ki wahi.. Kyu..??

2 aage se aur 2 piche se dhakka de rahe the..

Chalo ek aur..

Fir 4 ne 1 bacche ko kidnap kiya.. Bacche ko kaha ghar ja aur apne baap se 5 lac Rs le aa, warna tujhe maar denge.

Baccha ghar gaya aur uske papa ne paise de diye..
Kyun..??

Bcoz bacche ka baap sardar tha.
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1 Chinese , 1 Gora aur 1 Sardar ship mein ja rahe the.
1 Jinn aaya aur bola:
Samundar me koi cheez pheko,agar maine dhoond li to main tumhe maar dunga,

Aur na dhoond paya to main tumhara Gulam!

Chinese ne needle phenki.

Jinn ne dhoond li or use maar diya..

Gore ne memory card phenka.
Jinn ne dhoond liya or use bhi maar diya..

Sardar ne disprin phenki,
woh pani mein ghul gayi.

Sardar bola: Chal Beta, Ghar Chal Bahut Kaam Pada Hai!
JINN Shocked
Sardar ROCKED
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Best Break Up Ever:A Sardar Threw 6 Cricket Balls At His GirlFriend.
GirlFriend: What Was That For?
Sardar: Its 'OVER'!
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Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October.
Interviewer: Which year?
Sardar: EVERY YEAR
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Manager asked sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
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After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
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One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
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Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
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Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
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Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
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Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
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Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
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Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay ..
While its landing he shouted: " Bombay .. Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"
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Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!
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Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
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Sardar: I haven't slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn't u exchange?
Sardar: Oye! There was nobody to exchange in the lower berth.
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A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said: 'Fill Up In Capital.'
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Sardarji standing below a tube light with open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light !'
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1 sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.
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Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor he remembers I'm unmarried!
At 10th floor he remembers I'm Banta not Santa!
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On romantic date sardar's gf asks him:
'Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
He said: 'Sure ! What's your phone no.?'
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Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
Oye Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
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Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji
He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!'
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What does a sardar do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
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Why can't sardars dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?
They cannot find the eleven on the phone.
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Sardar & wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar: Drink quickly before it gets cold.
Wife: Why?
Sardar: Hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.
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Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible luking thing is what you
call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!:
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This 1 is killer .....
Teacher- beta batao britannia tiger biscuit pe jo green dot h uska matlab kya h.
Student- iska matlab ki tiger online hai.
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Gabbar : Kitne admi they?

Sambha : Sardar 2

Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?

Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai

Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?

Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.

Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?

Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata

Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?

Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.

Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?

Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.

Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?

Samnba : Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do.
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A Sardar was driving to Lonavala with his girlfriend. While driving, he kept his hand on her thighs.
She smiled and said, u can go further.

Sardar went to Pune!
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Once a Sardar, his wife, son and daughter went to a private party. There he introduces his family to a stranger by saying, “I am Sardar, she is Sardarni, he is my kid and she is my kidney.”
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English Teacher: “One cute and young girl is walking on the road.” Change this into an punjabi exclamatory sentence.
Sardar student:- “Oye,pataka !”
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Santa ek black aur ek whiteshocks pehenkar school aatahai.
Madam : Ghar jao aur moje badalkar aao.
Santa : Koi fayda nahi, wahabhi ek black aur ek white moja hi rakha hai.
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Ek chor Sardar jee k mobile ko lekar bhar raha tha.
Sardar hasne laga
Banta : Wo tumhare mobile ko lekar bhag raha hai aur tum hans rahe ho.
Sardar : Bhagne do, charger to mere paas hai!
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Sardarni : Lo light chali gayi.
Sardar : Light chali gayi hai to fan chala do.
Sardarni :Lo fir se kar di na sardaro wali baat. Agar fan chalaunga to mombatti bujhnahi jayegi!
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Judge – You are crossing the limits.
Lawyer – Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge – How dare you call mesaala?
Lawyer – My Lord, I said kaun‘Sa Law’ kehta hai?
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If boys vomit then parents says kaminey kaha kha kar aaya tha,
If girls vomit then parents says kaun tha woh kamina,
Moral of the story: Whoever vomits boys are always kaminey
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1 angrez Delhi se Lucknow train me ja rha tha..

Uske saamne pappu baitha tha.

Angrez pappu se puchta hai yahan
kaun se rajya(state) ghumne wale nahi hain ..???

Pappu:" Punjab, Hariyana, Uttar Pradesh

Angrez:" Kyun ye teen rajya bharat me nahi hain kya..???

Pappu:" Nahi ye khud me mahabharat hain..

Angrez:" oh quite dangerous to go to these states..

(Few Moments later)

Angrez:" How I will come to know person is from which state ???

Pappu:" Baitha raha.. abhi 9 ghante ke safar mein sabse wakif kara dunga!!!

Thodi der baad ek Chaudhary ji mooch wale aa ke baithe...

Pappu to angrez:" Dekh bhai ye Hariyana hai

Angrez:" Mai baat kaise karunga isse ??

Pappu:" Thodi der baitha reh apni mucho pe tav de chaudhary khud aa ke baat karega tujhse...

Angrez ne waisa hi kiya, mucho pe tav diya...

Chaudhary utha 2 kantaap maare angrez ke aur bola:" Bina kheti ke hi hal chala raha hai re kutriya...

Angrez chup !
Fir thodi der baad ek Sardar ji aaye...

Pappu bola:" Dekh bhai ye punjabi hai..

Angrez:" Isse kaise baat karun ??

Aadmi:" Baat mat kar bas puch 12 baj gaye kya..

Angrez ne waisa hi kiya

Angrez:" O sardar ji 12 baj gaye kya ??

Sardar ji ne aav dekha na taav utha ke patak diya angrez ko..
.
Sardar to angrez:" abe tujhe mai manmohan singh lagta hun jo kuch bolunga nahi.

Pahle se laal tha angrez aur laal ho gaya

Angrez bola pappu se:" Bhai Punjab aur Hariyana ke darshan to ho gaye..

Uttar Pradesh ke aadmi se bhi milwa do..

Hahahahahahaha

Pappu Bola:" Pitwa kaun raha hai...?
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Sardar ne Ghar Ka Darwaza Ukhada Aur Kandhe Pe Rakh Ke Bazaar Me Gaya...
Ek Aadmi Ne Poocha : O Paaji, Kya Darwaza Bechna hai ???
Sardar : Nahi, Tala Khulwana Hai, Chaabi Gum Ho Gai Hai...

Hanso Mat !!!

Joke Abhi Aage Hai :

Aadmi Sardar Se : Agar Ghar Me Chor Ghus Gaye Toh ???
Sardar : Andar Kaise Jayega ???
Darwaza Toh Mere Paas Hai..!!!

Boy: Abbu k office me roj Namaaz hoti hai.

Ammi: Ye to achchi baat he.

Boy: Lekin Abbu ki aawaj nahi aati.
Sirf unki secretary 'Ya Allah,Ya Allah' kehti hai

Ali ko 3 bachche hue
ali ne naam rakha-

hasrat ali
harkat ali
barkat ali

10 mahino baad 2 bachche or hue,
biwi ne naam rakhe-

BAS-KAR-ALI
REHAM-KAR-ALI.
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4 sardars BMW mein jaa rahe the. Itne mein ek buzurg ne apni Maruti 800 se inki gaadi ko thokar maari.

4 sardars baahar aa gaye aur bole "Oye buddhe, jaanta hai tu ne kya kiya. Baahar nikal. Aaj teri saari haddi tod denge". 

Buzurg dar kar baahar aaya. Sardar usey maarne hi wala tha ki usne kaha "Ye toh sarasar na insaafi hai. Aap log char hai aur mein akela hoon".

Toh ek sardar apne baaki doston se kaha "Ye thik keh raha hai. Balbir aur Bobby, tum dono is buzurg ke taraf se ladho".

Ladaai shuru hi hone wala tha toh buzurg ne kaha "Ye kya baat hui. Muqabla toh barabar wale mein honi chahiye. Hum teen hai, aap do hi hai".

Tab woh sardar bola "Ye bhi thik hai. Uncle, aap ghar jayiye. Hum log aapas mein ladkar nipat lenge"

Bolo tara rara
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Sardar was served whiskey in a Flight. The Flight attendant asks the Priest seated next to him, whether he would like a drink too?

Priest: "I would rather be raped by a dozen prostitutes than let liquor touch my lips".

Sardar returns the drink saying:"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice"
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Sardar make a call to his home.
Servant picked the phone.

Sardar: Give phone to my wife.
Servant: She is sleeping with her husband.

Sardar: But I am her husband.
Servant: Now what to do?
Sardar: Kill both of them.

After killing Servant: What to do with dead bodies?
Sardar: Put them in our swimming pool.

Servant: But there is no swimming pool in home.
Sardar: Sorry wrong Number
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Sardar rings a call centre:
My internet is not working properly

Officer:
Ok
Double click on "My computer"

Sardar:
I can't see ur computer

Officer:
No no
click on "My computer" on ur computer

Sardar:
How can I click on ur computer from my computer?

Officer:
listen
There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on ur computer
Ok
double click on it

Sardar:
what the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer..?

Officer:
Double click on ur computer

Sardar:
On which Icon i've to click

Officer:
"My Computer"

Sardar:
Oh Teri......Pagal insaan
Tell me where is ur office. I'll come there and click on ur "Computer."
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A Bihari & a sardar Army Jawan were standing together in a Parade ground holding their guns. A 'Saab' comes and asks the Sardar soldier : Tumhare haath me kya hai ?

Sardar Soldier : Meri Banduk hai saab.
Saab, angrily : Ye Banduk nahi tumhai shaan hai, izzat hai,
tumhari maa hai,MAA HAI, MAA, MAA,MAA samjhe ?

Then the saab moves to the Bihari soldier and asks him :
Tumhare haath me kya hai ?
Bihari jawan : Is sardar ki maa hai ustaad, rishte me hamri
Aunty lagi, AUNTY, AUNTY
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