Sunday, 3 April 2016

Funny Bollywood Jokes,One Liners,And Much More Hilarious Things

Bimari - Bollywood style
1. Jiya Jale jaan jale, Raat bhar dhuan chale : FEVER

2. Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi : HEART ATTACK

3. Juda hoke bhi tu mujhme kanhi baaki hai: CONSTIPATION

4. Bidi jalayile jigar se piya jigar ma badi aag hai: ACIDITY

5. Tujhme rab dikhta hai yaara main kya karoon : CATARACT

6.Tujhe yaad na meri aayi kisi se ab kya kahna : ALZEIMERS

7. Mann dole mera tann dole : VERTIGO..

8. Chhoop gaye sare nazare O A kya baat ho gayee : POOR EYE VISION

9. Dil Dhadak Dhadak ke keh raha hai..... HIGH BP

10. Panchhi banu oodti firoon.............LOOSING WEIGHT

11. Aaj Kal Paaon Zameen per nahin padte mere........CORN ON FEET

12. Haay re haay Neend nahin aaye....... INSOMNIA

13. Jiya bekaraar hai.............PILES...

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Whatsapp chat of bollywood..

Katrina- hii
Priyanka- bol,
Katrina- lets go london in weekend
Kareena- aa gai aukaat mei sali, foriegner ki bachi
Katrina-
Deepika-tu hi jaa, aur ranbir ka picha chod de
Priyanka-kareena ko kaun add kiya
Saif- mei kiya, kya kar legi
Sahid- gussa mat kar priyanka
Priyanka- tu chup reh kareena k chamche

Kareena- jalo mat barabari karo
Sahid- saif teri toh mei pungi bha junga

Saif left.
Priyanka left.

Srk- mujhe jungli billi bahut pasand hai
Salman- toh jungle mei reh harami
Aamir- mannat mere naam kar dena bhai
Srk-chup be bikhari
Katrina- koi london chalegaπŸ’•
Anushka- mei chalu
Deepika- chii anu, tu iske sath jaegi
Katrina-

8976547900 joined

Anushka- ye kaun hai
Salman- virat kohli

Anushka left.
Salman was removed.

Akshay- Srk tu toh india chod de, modi pm ban gaya hai
Srk- haa bhai pakistan jaa ra hu
Aamir- acha hai, tera baap bhi toh waha rehta hai na😎
Srk-
Akshay-lol
Srk left.

Katrina- koi london chalra kya
Rajpal yadav- mei chalne k liye ready huπŸ˜‹
Katrina-
Johny lever- mei b chalta huπŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹
Paresh lawal- aae raju, meri bhi ticket karwa
Katrina left.

Akshay- raju apne baap ko bolna😈
Kareena- raju.. Hehe.. Nic 1 paresh jiπŸ˜€
Twinkle- tera baap hai na paresh sali
Ranbir- meri behen ko koi kuch nai bolega😈
Deepika- i love u ranbir
Ranbir- are yar, ye toh piche hi pad gai
Deepika left.
Vidya balan- hello every1πŸ˜€

Kareena- aunty aa gai,bhago bhago..

Kareena left.
Aamir left.
Ranbir left.
Rajpal yadav left.
Paresh rawal left.

Vidya-😩😫
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Bollywood's WhatsApp Group Chat Part-2


Akshay- Hi everyone !!

Shahid- Hi over acting ki dukaan

Akshay- *ignored*

Saif-

Kareena- Hi Saifu.. Love u

* shahid left group *

Bipasha- haha.. bichara.. how r u friends ?

John- hey m fine .. miss u .. how's u ?

* Bipasha left group *

Akshay- a 're yaar bahot boring ho raha hai

Ajay- Kyun ? Tees maar khan dekhi kya ?

Akshay- Nahi.. Teri Himmatwala dekhi

* Ajay was removed from group *

Ashwariya- Nice to meet u all.. Thanks for adding in this group

Salman- Miss toh humne bhi bahot kiya aapko

Ashwariya- Hi.. who are u ?

Salman- *silent*

Akshay- kya Sallu bhai.. bahot emotional ho rahe ho

* Ashwariya left group *

Salman-

Vivek- kon hai Tu ? Kyun ro raha hai ?

Salman- mujh par ek ehsaan karna ke mujh par koi ehsaan mat karna

* Vivek lefts group *

Amitabh- hahaha... a 're Akki hamare zamane ke actors hai ki nahi is group mein ? πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡

Akshay- Haan hai na... Rekha ji hai

* Amitabh left group *

Chunky- Bas karo yaar.. sab group Kyun chodd rahe hai ? 😦😦

Saif- chunky ko kaun add kiya ?

Chunky-

Salman- :d :d :dπŸ˜›πŸ˜›πŸ˜›πŸ˜›

Govinda- Aap sabko Govinda ka namaskar

Shakti kapoor- Aau mere Raja babu.. aapko bhi namaskar πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡

* Shakti kapoor was removed from group *

Shahrukh- Kyun nikala usko group se

Akshay- Sorry.. galti se add huva... Vulgar members not allowed

Salman- Shahrukh ko Kyun add kiya ?

Shahrukh- Tera kya ja raha hai ?

Salman- sahi se reh nahi toh maar khayega

Shahrukh- Jyada natak mat kar

Akki- Ladai bandh karo varna dono ko group se bahar nikal dunga

Suniel- Akki bhai Hera Pheri 3 ki shooting Kab shuru hogi ?

Akki- Tuje liya hai kya film mein πŸ˜›

Suniel- *angry*

Hritik- Hi Anna... Aaj Kal filmon mein dikhai nahi dete..

Suniel- jabse Krissh dekhi hai filmon mein kaam karne ka mann nahi karta.

Madhuri- Hello Friends.. Meri Gulabi Gang film aa rahi hai.. zarur dekna

Juhi- yes friends zarur dekna.. main bhi hun

Alia bhatt- Ha ha .. koi nahi dekega πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ

Raveena- Akki ... bachchiyon ko Kyun add kiya group mein

Sunny leone- only adults allowed

Saif- oye Sunny Leone bhi hai kya ? πŸ˜—

* Kareena left group *

* Sunny Leone was removed from group *

* Sunny deol added in group *

Akki- Hi Dhai kilo wale haath

Sunny deol- Action hero se mazak ?

Suniel- main hun action hero

Akki- main hun

Salman- Action ka dusra naam Salman khan

John- I am Action hero

Rajnikant- Munna.. jhund mein toh suvar aate hai... sher akela aata hai

John- kaun Tu ?

Rajnikant- Yenna raskala .. mind it

Sunny- kaun hai yeh Akki ?? Bata na.

Akki- Rajnikant sir 😎

* Sunny deol left group *

* Hritik left group *

* John left group *

* Saif left group *

* Salman left group *

* Shahrukh left group *
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funny bollywood jokes

sanjay dutts last wish was... before going to jail is to see manmohan singh talk with salman khan'S wife in the party for the retirement of tendulkar..
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Dabanng Funny Bollywood Joke
Bacha Dabang Dekh Kar Aya
School Mein Sir :
Baita Tumhare Sare Ans Galat Hein Marks De To Kahan?
Bcha :
Kamal Karte Hain Master Ji.
Marks Hi To Mang Rahe Hain,
Chup Chap De Do Warna Thapar Mar K Bhi Lay Skte Hain.
Sir:
Badtamiz
Bcha:
Badtamiz Se Yaad Aya,
Aap K Papa Kaise Hain?
Sir:
Nikal Ja Meri Class Se,
Bcha:
Chup Chap Se Marks De Do
Warna Ans Sheet Me Itne Ched Karenge
K Confuse Ho Jaoge K Marks Kahan Den Or Zero Kahan Dain!
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Funny Bhojpuri Names Of Hollywood & Bollywood Movies


•Mission Impossible = "Eee Naa Ho Payi Bhaiya"

•And Mi-2 = "Hum Phir Se Kahi Ee Naa Ho Payi Bhaiya"

•Mi3 = "Abey Kitni Baar Kahibey, Ee Naahi Ho Paai Babuaa"

•Titanic = "Nauka Dele Dhoka"

•Anaconda = "Aadmi Khaye Wala Sapwa"

•Superman = "Ude Wala Aadmi"

•Silence Of The Lambs = "Bakariyan Bolat Nahin"

•Black Hawk Down = "Kaali Chidiya Mar Gayil"

•Kungfu Panda = "Kungfu Pandey"

•Exorcist = "Jhaad Phoonk Waala Manav"

•Kill Bill = "Maar Billwa Ke"

•Kill Bill 2 = "Dunali Se Maar Billwa Ke"

•Ghost Rider = "Phatphatiya Par Jalti Khopadiya"

•Spiderman = "Admi Makadjaal Bunat Raha"

•Spiderman2 = "Sala Admi Phir Makadjaal Bunat Raha"

•Spiderman 3 = "Sala Ab To Kala Hoke Makadjaal Bunat Raha Be"

•The Amazing Spiderman = "Ab Naya Admi Makadjaal Bunat Raha"

•King Kong = "Katili Nachaniya Ka Bandar Saiyaan"

•Inception = "Sapno Me Sataye Sajaniya Hamaar"

•The Godfather = "Bilaayati Lalu Yadav"

•American Beauty = "Bhojpuri Nachaniya"

•The Master = "Padhawe wala"

•Skyfall = "Aakash Girat Rahil"

•Gangster Squad = "Lalu Ka Aadmi Log"

•Stand Up Guys = "Khada Kar Le Babua"

•Thor = "Hathoda Manav"

•Kick Ass = "Pichwada Phad Debo"

(Bollywood)

•Three Idiots = "Teen Tho Budbak"

•Ghajini = "Takla Ke Badla"
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"Science in BollyWood Song"

Kyon chalti hai pawan, Because of evaporation.

Kyon jhoome hai gagan, Because of earth’s revolution.

Kyon machalta hai mann, Because of excessive respiration.

Na tum jaano na hum. But I just gave all the reasons!

Kyon aati hai bahaar, Because of a change in season,

Kyon lutata hai karaar, Because of mental tension.

Kyon hota hai pyaar, Because of pole attraction.

Na tum jaano na hum. Like I said,these are all science phenomenon!

Kyon gum hai har disha, Because you have a poor sense of direction.

Kyon hota hai nasha, Because of drug addiction.

Kyon aata hai mazaa, Bcoz science gives us all the information.

Na tum jaano na hum. I did my best to explain, now just give up.
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